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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

JULY 4, 2013

DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS
LA VIEJA LOCA GOT FIRED

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It took a lot longer than it should have, but on Wednesday, July 3rd, Assistant City Manager and Chief Financial Officer Janice Learned, finally got fired.


The Crespogram Report received multiple confirmations that Learned was called into to see City Manager Johnny Martinez, who asked her to resign, and when she refused, fired her.


Among Larned’s many highlights as the city’s Chief Financial Officer none was more significant than her hiring Steve Petty, the brother of her former business partner to be the city’s Finance Director. 


Petty, who I was able to uncover didn’t have a CPA license, turned out to be dumber that a rock when it came to running the department, prompting employees to head for the door, which in turn created problems for the city that have still to be undone.


After Petty was fired, it was expected that Larned would soon follow him out the door - she had after all waltzed in one morning with boxes to pack her stuff on the threat that she was quitting - but was kept on first to manage the boondoggle $50 million bond issue for the Port Tunnel that managed to generate millions in commissions for those involved, and then to complete the latest CAFR, which, in what has become a Miami tradition, was almost 3 months late in being finalized.


Larned will not be missed by many in the city who had to deal with her. She got tagged with the nickname “La Vieja Loca” for putting on performances worthy of a Hollywood Diva at meetings.


To appreciate just how bat-shit crazy she was, El Nuevo Herald reported in their story on Larned being fired that several weeks ago she had notified Martinez that she was quitting because she had gotten another job.  A couple days ago when Martinez showed up to thank her for hanging around until the CAFR was done, she supposedly told him she wasn’t leaving and wanted to stay.


You would have thought that when she learned that that other job went away she might have decided then to inform Martinez of her change in plans.


But the best part, and the part that tells you this woman is a moron as well as bat-shit crazy is that instead of reading the handwriting on the wall when Martinez asked her to resign, she refused and forced him to fire her.


Had she resigned, she could have walked out with a negotiated severance package and a Letter Of Recommendation.


Instead, she walks out with zip, and an unflattering story in the El Nuevo Herald and probably the Miami Herald, and I get to write about her being bat-shit crazy one last time.


Taking Larned’s place as Chief Financial Officer will be Danny Alfonso, currently the Budget Director, whose claim to fame is that late last year he discovered $35-$40 million floating around in the city’s accounts.


The money was discovered after the employee unions were pressured into giving up more concessions on the claim that the city was once again facing the possibility of going belly up if they didn’t cooperate.


I’ll bet that if Alfonso really applies himself he can probably find even more millions stashed away like acorns in various little cubby holes throughout the city’s various departments.


It’s Miami, Bitches!