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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

JULY 31, 2013

IT’S SUAREZ TIME
IS HE SMARTER THAN A ROCKET SCIENTIST? SUAREZ BREAKS THROUGH THE TIME CONTINUUM

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If you live in Miami you’re obviously familiar with the concept of Cuban Time. Cuban Time is the way everyone in Miami describes the phenomenon of people showing up late for appointments.  Somebody tell’s you they’ll meet you at 9 and show up at 10, and when they do show up, they’ll explain away their lateness by saying that they meant 9 o’clock Cuban Time.


Well, on Monday, Miami City Commissioner Francis Suarez managed, without a degree in Physics, to both discover and create a new measurement of time that deserves to be called Suarez Time.


Here’s how he did it.


At 9 AM, Monday morning, Suarez found himself at WQBA, 1140 AM, where he had been scheduled to appear on the morning show.  It turns out the show also booked Mayor Tomas Regalado for the same time. As a result of the double booking, the show turned into an impromptu debate between Regalado and Suarez.


The show ended at 9:30 AM.  At 9:33 AM, Suarez sent out the following Tweet:

That’s right, after the show ends, he sends out a Tweet that he’s still on the air debating with Regalado.


But wait, it gets better. At 9:46 AM, he sent out the same exact Tweet in Spanish.

Yep, that’s right, 3 minutes, and then 16 minutes after the radio show ended, Francis Suarez was sending out Tweets informing folks that he was at that very moment on the radio debating Tomas Regalado.


Francis Suarez has broken through the time continuum and discovered a new parallel universe where you can still be someplace after you left. That’s the kind of serious physics discovery that should qualify him to get a mention in an episode of The Big Bang Theory.


Understand that all joking aside, this is a serious issue, because in the wake of his bullshit response regarding whether he took part in last week’s Critical Mass Bike Ride, it’s becoming apparent that Francis Suarez is willing to play loose with the truth in ways that will eventually get him into very serious trouble because if he’s willing to lie about this kind of stuff, odds are he’ll soon, if he hasn’t already, start lying about far more serious things?


It’s Miami, Bitches!