JUNE 13 - JUNE 17

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JUNE 13, 2011

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP

There are a lot of things that make Miami different from most other cities in America, and included in any Top 10 list is the wide reliance on Santeria priests invoking their “Powers” in matters of love, revenge, business deals, and the occasional attempt to rig the outcome of a sporting event.


Therefore it’s really no surprise that the blog created to promote Tomas Regalado should devote a whole post to revealing that a Santeria “high priest” interceded to put a hex  on the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Championship finals.


Employing the semi-literate, grammatically challenged writing that has come to demonstrate that this blog is indeed an endeavor undertaken by the Mayor’s “peeples,” the post divulged the following information about the hex put on the Mavericks.


      “The people are celebrating the Miami Heats and

      with enthusiasm not leaving nothing to chance. Even

      a special prayers ceremony was had with a local City

      of Miami Afro-Cuban santeria priest in Little Havana

      to make sure that the Miami Heats has the good luck

      to win.


      The Dallas Mavericks are the horse, a very powerful

      animal in the spirits world," says high priest Eduardo

      Garboa as he perform the ceremony. "But the fire of

      the Heat will destroy the horse because fire is more

      powerful.”


Of course, the “peeples” Mayor and his supporters are not the only ones in the community to call on the powers of Santeria.  None other than Miami Herald columnist Myriam Marquez invoked the power of voodoo dolls in referencing the need that Carlos Gimenez, candidate for Miami-Dade Mayor might require one to overcome the bad juju that supposedly fell on him last week with the announcement that Luther Campbell had endorsed his opponent Julio Robaina.


      “Maybe what Carlos Gimenez needs is one of those

      voodou/Santeria dolls that have been employed by

      Heat fans to bring good vibes and eagle-eye scoring

      baskets to LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh

      and the team as they struggle in the NBA finals.”


Yes, only in Miami would the local newspaper and the local TV stations all do stories and express opinions - with a straight face - on the power of voodoo and witch doctors influencing the outcome of a basketball game.


The Miami Heat lost 105 to 95.


I doubt too many people will go an ask the Voodoo priest for a refund.  He might threaten to turn them into frogs.

REGALADO’S BLOG REVEALS SANTERIA HIGH PRIEST PUT HEX ON DALLAS MAVERICKS

JUNE 13, 2011

DUMMY PULLS HIS 5 DAY ORDINANCE AMENDMENT
SOCK PUPPET UPDATE

It took all of 47 seconds at last week’s City Commission meeting for Reverend Commissioner Dunn to withdraw his amendment to the 5 Day Rule.


You take the victories however they come, and this was a victory for being able to throw a log across the tracks of a runaway train, or at least try and slow it down.

BAT SHIT CRAZY
PAPI CHULO’S GOT BAD LUCK WITH GIRLFRIENDS

Over the weekend, posters on both LEO Affairs, and the WE SUPPORT REGALADO blog posted a story that appeared in the Miami New Times about Tomas Regalado and the turbulent relationship he had with Elba Miriam Mor, a former girlfriend who also managed to get convicted of voter fraud in a case that was part part of the scandal over absentee ballots that helped send Commissioner Humberto Hernandez to jail.


It appears that while Regalado was screwing her, she was screwing the electoral process. I’ll bet that made for some fun bedtime chit-chat.


Ms. Mor, four years after Regalado obtained “a criminal restraining order against his former lover,” sued Tomas and his wife, Raquel Regalado, claiming they had ruined her reputation.


Rumor has it that there are a couple really great stories - and an audio tape, associated with all of this.  Does anybody want to share?


From the Miami New Times account, it seems that Regalado has been as bad in choosing girlfriends as he has been in choosing Chief’s of Police and City Managers. 


In fact, viewing the wreckage of decision making that trails his public and private lives, it’s obvious that Regalado is pretty much bat-shit crazy. Nobody makes that many bad decisions over a 20 year public career without there being a couple screws lose.


The only thing constant in all of these relationships is that Regalado always seems willing to throw the girlfriends and political appointees under a bus when their usefulness has ended.


With all the talk about Santeria witch doctors in today’s Report, perhaps there is a real need for a voodoo intervention.


Maybe one of these “high priests” can put a spell on Regalado and get him to behave like someone who actually cares for the future of the city, instead of trying to figure out how to appoint the next collection of ass kissers into positions where they too can screw the city.

THE REVEREND COMMISSIONER DUNN DUMMY SUPPORTS JULIO ROBAINA


On another front, Commissioner Dummy showed up front and center at the Luther Campbell endorsement of Julio Robaina last week.  The photo is worth a thousand words.

-WPLG Channel 10

- We Support Regalado

BEWARE THE IDES OF JUNE

Mark your calendars.  Wednesday, June 15th - the Ides of June - could turn out to be a day remembered for a long time at Miami City Hall.

JUNE 13, 2011

JUNE 13, 2011

THE IDES OF JUNE
WILL SHE RETURN?

Ever since she was acquitted at her first trial in March, the rumors have swirled that Michelle Spence-Jones was on her way back to City Hall as the District 5 Commissioner.


That could happen today at the 9 A.M. Status Hearing scheduled before Judge Yvonne Colodny,  where rumor has it the State Attorney’s office will throw in the towel and drop the remaining charges.


A number of folks in March - who otherwise support throwing the book at ANY kind of chicanery at City Hall - displayed an unusual degree of of joy over the acquittal - raising questions as to whether they were more happy over the acquittal, or over what the acquittal meant to the persistent rumors that Spence-Jones had let it be known that if she went down, she would take a lot of folks with her.


It’s been no secret since then that a lot of people would like to see Spence-Jones back on the dais at the Miami City Commission, if for no other reason than her doing battle with Commissioner “Ethics” Sarnoff, who during her forced departure from the Commission took away the Chairmanship of the OMNI CRA from the Reverend Commissioner Dunn.


Dunn, quick to label Sarnoff’s ploy racist, was quickly pacified with more campaign contributions than he had ever received in all of his previous runs for office.


In many ways, the dropping of the charges - should that happen - will represent a closing of the books on any future efforts in dealing with the rampant corruption and criminal activity that is occurring almost daily in the City of Miami, as Katherine Fernandez-Rundle starts gearing up either for another re-election bid, or a run for another office.


Many believe that “The Queen Of Swag” only undertook the effort of going after Spence-Jones as a favor to some of the current crooks at Miami City Hall as a way to get her out of the way as they set out to plunder all the money they could funnel to their own campaign contributors, and pals.


If the charges are dropped, Spence-Jones could be in City Hall by the end of the day on Thursday telling Reverend Commissioner Dunn to, “Get your fat ass out of my office.”


Although a dismissal of these charges along with the acquittal all but makes Spence-Jones bullet-proof against any further criminal indictments for the time being, the big question will be whether Spence-Jones seizes this opportunity to try and put behind her the persistent belief that she abused her office and public trust, regardless of what’s happened in Court, or will we see a new collection of “friends” start bellying up to the bar at the SEOPW CRA to get a piece of the action.


Luther Campbell, who has made much about redevelopment in the Black community in his ham-handed efforts to position himself as the next political “Black Hope,” was not wrong when he wrote back in March that, “Miami has a community redevelopment agency with a shitload of money.”


In the last year or so, it’s been Commissioner “Ethics” who’s been in the driver’s seat when it came to giving this money away to HIS cronies and pals.


If Spence-Jones returns, look for this money pot to be the first battle line to be drawn in the sand. 


Will the CRA money ever be used to deal with “slum and blight.” or will it be just another shuck and jive Predator’s Ball, with new players lining up to cash in on their “Blackness.”


Of course, the rumors could be just that, but if Spence-Jones goes marching into City Hall, the Crespo-Gram Report will be watching with interest because the City Commission meetings could become the best free entertainment in Miami this summer.

A CRESPO-GRAM EXCLUSIVE
COPYRIGHT 2011(C)
THIS STORY CAN BE REPRINTED AND CITED BY OTHER 
NEWS ORGANIZATIONS ONLY WITH ATTRIBUTION TO 
THE CRESPO-GRAM REPORT

CLUELESS IN MIAMI

THE BOY PRINCE CAUGHT UNAWARE OF $40 MILLION BUDGET CRISIS

In an effort to try and keep up with the blogs, the Miami Herald has taken to releasing stories about the City of Miami at around 6 PM, and on Tuesday evening they released a story proclaiming that the city is facing a $40 million budget shortfall.


No shit, Lone Ranger! 


For those that are regular readers of Investigation Miami, and of this Report to a lesser degree, that news should come as NO surprise.


Yet, the Herald quotes none other than the Boy Prince, Commissioner Francis Suarez claiming that, “It shocks me both that I haven’t heard about [the deficit] and that it’s that large,”


Well that’s because Commissioner Suarez is a couple IQ points from being a complete moron.


Imagine, a city on the verge of bankruptcy, that has failed to meet most of the supposed budgetary mileposts set last year, and the Commissioner says that he’s shocked.


If he really is shocked, then he should submit his resignation immediately, because a city in this much trouble cannot continue on this path if the people entrusted with it’s financial safety are that fucking clueless!


The only Commissioner who isn’t shocked is Commissioner Frank Carollo, who has consistently asked - and been denied - access to the real budget numbers.


The other Commissioners, which includes Reverend Commissioner Dunn, Commissioner “Ethics” Sarnoff, and Chairman Willie Gort, have been lackluster at best in voicing concern about the crisis.


As I wrote last week, the City of Miami is incapable of dealing with this crisis coming down the road like a train on rocket fuel driven by an engineer on crack cocaine.


Odds are that the last thing that Tomas - Papi Chulo - Regalado is interested in doing, even at this point, is bringing in someone from the outside with the qualifications and experience to try and sort out this mess.


Instead, you can expect, that a patsy will be appointed to be the city’s next Financial Officer because in the Land Of Oz, no one but the thieves and their flunkies are allowed to look behind the curtain.

JUNE 15, 2011

SPENCE-JONES UPDATE

Our colleague at The Straw Buyer attended the Status Hearing on the Spence-Jones case and reports that nothing of consequences occurred.  The Court docket has the trial starting on June 28th, so it appears that the rumors that had Spence-Jones walking out of Court a free woman today were wrong, or that a deal is still being worked out.


In any event, whether she goes to trial, or walks, Michelle Spence-Jones will be a continuing topic of discussion this summer, although I was planning on renting a Popcorn Machine for the next Commission meeting.

JUNE 15, 2011

JUNE 17, 2011

APB - BOLO
WHERE’S MADELIN?

Some of the regular readers of the Crespo-Gram Report are worried because ever since I did my piece about Madelin Pacheco last week she’s not been seen around the MRC Building.


Yesterday, I took it upon myself to try and solve this mystery by going to the Office of Grants Administration, where I stuck my head in the door of Lillian Blondett, the Department’s Director, and announced I was looking for Ms Pacheco.


Ms.Blondett informed me that Pacheco’s office was on the 9th Floor.  I replied that folks on the 9th Floor hadn’t seen her since last week.  This news was met with silence.


Now, given that the whole department consists of 8 people, you got to wonder about who’s keeping tabs on who shows up for work.


In any event, a little while later, while recounting this tale to a couple city employees, and wondering whether Ms. Pacheco was off on a secret assignment somewhere, another employee came by and suggested, “Call up the Mayor’s office and ask someone over there if she’s hiding out under the Mayor’s desk.”


Ah, these city employees, even with the threat of new salary cuts, they still got a sense of humor.

IN THE LAND OF OZ
ONLY MEMBERS OF THE GANG 
WHO KNOW THE SECRET HANDSHAKE ARE ALLOWED 
BEHIND THE CURTAIN

Last October, Tomas Regalado, that champion of truth, justice and the American Way was fit to be tied over the management of the Miami Parking Authority - who he was then trying to get the voters to disband, and allow him to plunder their bank account.


Back then, he was so aggrieved over the way that the MPA was pissing away money and managing it’s books that he filed a formal complaint with the State Attorney - AKA “The Queen Of Swag” - asking for an investigation.


He even got the Miami Herald’s Editorial Board all worked up to the point where they weighed in with an editorial that included this:


           “Mayor Tomas Regalado, who has taken a

            responsible stand to achieve a balanced city

            budget without increasing resident’s taxes, has

            raised doubts about the authority, questioning

            its salaries, expenses and enforcement policies. 

            He points to parking officials’ travel expenses

            and other costs he finds questionable during

            these tough economic times.  He says the

            authority cracks down randomly on parking

            violators, too, harming nearby businesses

            eager for patrons.


            He is asking for an audit of the organization’s

            books, an investigation he will pursue whether

            the amendment passes or not. Good.”


That’s why, when he had to go out and find a replacement for Larry “I’m Outta Here” Spring, Regalado this week turned to a proven, Three-Card-Monty expert to come in and take over the City of Miami’s CFO duties.

That guy is none other than Scott Simpson, Chief Financial Officer of the Miami Parking Authority.

Yes sir, when it come to demonstrating integrity and responsibility there’s nothing like bringing in the Chief Financial Officer of an organization who you thought so corrupt that you asked the State Attorney to investigate, and who you promised, no matter how the vote on abolishing the MPA turned out, you would pursue an audit of HIS books

There are people at the MRC who are wondering how Regalado could turn to the MPA after all of this, and more importantly, how Scott Simpson could agree to come back to the city after all but being called a crook by Regalado.

I believe that Simpson is coming because his boss Art Noriega told him to.  Noriega is banking chips just in case someone else on the Commission get’s a wild hair up their ass about doing another run on the MPA’s bank account.

While Simpson knows how to add and subtract, one should never, ever forget that in the Land Of Oz only the thieves and the flunkies get to look behind the curtain, and like Oz, the guy pulling the levers in this Banana Republic is a wizened old man, only this one has cow shit for brains, and the moral fiber of a cockroach.

BIG NIGHT AT KNIGHT CENTER
FREE TICKETS FOR THE BIG SHOTS

A lot of folks are all excited at City Hall and the MRC Building. Come Saturday night, they’re going to get all dressed up and have a big night on the town, thanks to all the free tickets that were passed out for this concert.


I’ve been told that Sections 107 AND 108, have been set aside for all the city big shots and their friends. 


I wonder which “girlfriend” Papi Chulo Regalado will show up with?  Also, there are several other Papi Chulos who will have to decide whether to bring their real wife, or their office wife.  Always a tough choice.


Yes sir, it’s going to be a BIG NIGHT Saturday night that might even get people dancing in the aisles, thanks to those free tickets that the taxpayers subsidize through their tax dollars.


I wonder how many tens of thousands of dollars the Knight Center has to write off every year because of all the “free tickets” that grubby city officials and employees like Ada “The Thuget” Rojas demand as a token of their being big shots?


You’ll never hear the Mayor or any of the City Commissioners demand that an audit of this scam be carried out!

JUNE 17, 2011

JUNE 17, 2011

A CRESPO-GRAM EXCLUSIVE
COPYRIGHT 2011(C)
THIS STORY CAN BE REPRINTED AND CITED BY OTHER 
NEWS ORGANIZATIONS ONLY WITH ATTRIBUTION TO 
THE CRESPO-GRAM REPORT
ANOTHER RIDE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
JOSE GARCIA-PEDROSA TO RETURN ONCE AGAIN AS MIAMI CITY MANAGER

The Crespo-Gram Report has it from very reliable sources that former Miami City Manager Jose Garcia-Pedrosa, who was fired by Mayor Joe Carollo in June of 1998, is coming back for another turn in the barrel.


No matter where you turn in the House Of Cards that is the City of Miami, the same cast of characters continues to be recycled, rehabilitated and foisted on the taxpayers.


I will leave it to others to do a rundown on Mr. Garcia-Pedrosa’s last go around as City Manager, but given that he’s now 13 years older doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s 13 years smarter or better equiped from becoming another Butt Boy for this current collection of crooks at City Hall.


If Garcia-Pedrosa comes in claiming he’s doing this out of civic responsibility grab some Duct Tape and tape up your ass real good, because as Carlos Migoya demonstrated, when these guys come in claiming civic responsibility, they’ll only leave after Screwing The Pooch every which way but loose.


There is no word yet on when the announcement will be made, but it could be as soon as tomorrow, since Tony Crapp has another job to go to, and is itching to get out of Dodge.

JUNE 17, 2011