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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

JANUARY 4, 2013

LIVING LA VIEJA LOCA
JANCIE GET’S A REPRIEVE

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In an American city, hiring the unqualified brother of your business partner as the Finance Director for the city would be grounds for immediate termination.


So would the disarray of the Finance Office where people keep quitting or taking roll backs to jobs that remove them from the chain of responsibility as they see just where this train is going.


Of course, those are things that one would expect to happen in an American city.


In Regaladoland however, where hiring the unqualified brother of her business partner was not seen as sign of incompetence - given that so many people holding senior positions in Regaladoland are as unqualified and incompetent as Stephen Petty was - Chief Financial Officer Janice Larned has not only NOT been fired, but she’s proven herself to be part of “the team,” and is now destined to last until she has another fit, and shows up with boxes to pack up and leave.


The team of course includes folks like Johnny “The Doormat” Martinez, Luis Cabrera, and Alice “In Regaladoland” Bravo, which should tell you that their skills at managing the City of Miami are on par with the skills of the team that will take the field for the Miami Marlins in April.


One major reason that Larned is staying on as the Chief Financial Officer is that, like reported last month, the head hunters hired by the City of Miami have been unable to find qualified people to fill any of the 4-5 other management jobs in the Finance Department currently empty, thanks in large part to Larned’s management style.


So, since no one in their right mind wants to risk their CPA license, or their reputation to come to work for the City, the odds of finding anyone to come in and take the top job, appeared to be slim to none.


So it now appears that Larned will remain as the Chief Financial Officer, and along with the inability to replace her with anyone smarter than a fifth grader, she owes her pay check to Commissioners “Ethics” Sarnoff and Michelle Spence-Jones.


Sarnoff, who is hoarding all his CRA pennies to redo the old School Warehouse into the movie studio that will then be called “Sarnoff’s Folly,” decided that instead of going out and hiring an accountant to do the OMNI CRA books, he’d just use Janice, since she had so little else to do.


Janice might be crazy, but she’s not dumb, and like Pod People in the night, she and Sarnoff have now become best pals.


Spence-Jones is looking to spend all the City money she can between now and August to help herself get reelected, and there’s nothing like having a pliable CFO to bob her head like a Bobble Doll every time Spence-Jones comes up with another pork barrel project that needs part of the $36-$45 million in found money that was discovered last November.


But even Janice knows that she can’t do this without help, so here’s the line up of whose going to be hired to fill some of the empty jobs that nobody in the real world wants to take.


Erica Paschal is going to become the Deputy Finance Director.


Maria Eissenheart is going to become the Comptroller.


This still leaves the positions of Finance Director and Treasurer to fill.  I’ve been given several possible names, but until there is some real indication we’ll just put some initials down as markers: JP and GR.


Wish these good folks well, because Living La Vieja Loca in 2013 might turn out to be like riding a roller coaster after drinking a gallon of milk and eating sardines.


It’s Miami, Bitches!