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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

JANUARY 24, 2013

LOOKING OUT FOR THE CUBANS
THE “DOORMAT” ISSUES  NEW PARKING BAN. IT ONLY AFFECTS 3 BLOCKS OF LITTLE HAVANA

If you drive around the City of Miami for any amount of time, the odds are that sooner or later you’ll see City cars and vans parked in all kinds of illegal places.


As just one example, a couple weeks ago I took these photos of 3 City of Miami unmarked police cars, with the lights flashing on the last car,  parked in the left turn lane on Brickell Avenue as the cops who drove them were having lunch.

The sense of entitlement that folks in the City of Miami have about doing just about anything they want is because the City of Miami has essentially become lawless, where enforcement of rules and laws is largely reserved for the folks NOT on any of the Family and Friends Plans.


Parking unmarked police cars wherever they wanted and going off for a long lunch is just considered part of the perks of city employment.


All of a sudden however, dipshit City Manager, Johnny “The Doormat” Martinez, decided that enough was enough and last week he issued a strongly worded Bulletin notifying all city employees that this illegal parking had to stop, or else!


Here’s the memo.

Strong stuff, hugh!?!


“The Doormat” sure knows how to get all butch and lay the law down, doesn’t he?


The problem is that the he only focused his attention on three blocks of SW 8th Street from 14th Avenue to 16th Avenue in Little Havana, the center of which is Domino Park.


Martinez didn’t just send out a Bulletin, he also sent out a map so that everyone would know exactly where city employees could no longer park.


Here’s the map.

Why you ask, would “The Doormat” go through so much effort for 3 blocks of SW 8th Street?


Well, because there are a handful of politically connected Tour Bus companies that deposit folks in that area all day long.  It’s good for the Tour Bus operators, and it’s good for the restaurants and knick-knack stores in the area that probably couldn’t survive without this steady stream of foreigners looking to buy some of that Miami multi-cultural experience.


And that’s all well and good.


But what about Coconut Grove? What about Mid-Town?  Or what about Downtown? What about every place else in the City of Miami?


If “The Doormat” is going to tell city employees to quit parking city vehicles wherever they damn please, then he should not single out 3 blocks on SW 8th Street as the epicenter for his order.


As the City Manager, you would think that “The Doormat” should be looking out to protect the interests of folks ALL OVER THE CITY who feel screwed every time they see a city car parked illegally, regardless of whether it’s in a Tour Bus Zone, or anywhere else!


IF “THE DOORMAT” WAS REALLY SEROUS ABOUT CORRECTING THIS FLAGRANT PROBLEM HE WOULD HAVE SENT OUT A BULLETIN INFORMING CITY EMPLOYEES TO QUIT PARKING ILLEGALLY ANYWHERE IN THE CITY!


But then again, the Cubans running City Hall could give a flying fuck about all you Gringo’s out there, now could they.


None of you have any multi-cultural experiences, trinkets or Gringo sandwiches to sell the tourists, so the tour buses won’t be stopping in your areas of town anyway, and since this is an election year where the only votes that really matter are in the large swath of Little Havana, pandering to the homeboys is what Tomas Regalado is going to make sure that “The Doormat” does from now till election day.


Let’s see how many Tour Bus operators and business folks in those 3 blocks show up making donations to Tomasito’s campaign.


It’s Miami. Bitches!

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