JULY 29, 2013


Last Friday night a lot of folks showed up for the monthly Critical Mass Bike Ride. 

I’ve been wanting to check the ride out for a while now and the Twitter message from Commissioner Francis Suarez that he was going to join the ride was reason enough to get me out and and down to the Government Center.

Unfortunately, try as I did, I never spotted the Commissioner anywhere in the crowd, which was disappointing because I was hoping that he might show up wearing a sporty Spandex outfit with “Suarez For Mayor” blazoned across his chest as a way to highlight his appearance.


I was really disappointed that I didn’t see him, and to make sure that I just hadn’t seen him, I sent him an email on Saturday asking he had been there.

Here is his response.


Actually, I didn’t ask him anything regarding his “positions” on anything other than had he showed up and been part of the ride, so what do you think?  Was he there, or wasn’t he? 

You would think that if he did show up with a bicycle last Friday he would have written, ‘Yeah, I was there, it’s not my fault you didn’t see me.’

After all when a guy who’s running for Mayor sends out a message saying he’s going to be at an event, it’s usually because he want to be seen by those attending the event.

Here is the only Tweet that Suarez posted about the Bike Ride.

If this is the best that Francis Suarez can do in explaining why he’s running for Mayor, then the citizens of Miami are in for a worse screwing than they’ve gotten at the hands of Tomas Regalado and his collection of corrupt morons currently running the city.

Francis Suarez has raised $1,320,124.50 and so far, he’s got done very little to show he knows what to do what that much money.

Instead of going out and hiring a professional campaign staff that could have done the heavy lifting of thinking and planning two or three steps ahead of Regalado, he decided to have his cousin Steve act as his campaign manager.

Along the way he’s been pissing away money on a pretentious and amateur social media campaign that is but another example of what happens when you turn to people who talk shit about something they know little about for help.

Political campaigns are a lot more than a creating and selling a “brand,” but Suarez like any amateur seems to be easily attracted to people as clueless as he is, and so he‘s became a Twitter whore, sending out 4 or 5 vapid and often silly tweets a day, and when he didn’t write them himself, they were written for him by someone even more clueless about the City of Miami and how it actually operates.

The best one was the one sent out after the Miami Heat Victory Parade thanking the Miami-Dade Police Department, and NOT the City of Miami Police Department for the crowd control during the parade.

When I pointed out this error in a reply to the Tweet, Suarez blocked me from his Twitter site. I think it upset him that I pointed out that it was obvious he wasn’t writing his own Tweets.

Worst of all though is that Suarez, on his own managed, against common sense, and the lessons that he should have learned from his father’s own bad experience with Absentee Ballots to have his Operations Manager screw up his Absentee Ballot efforts so badly that the State Attorney got  a warrant to seize this guy’s computers, hard drives, flash drives, and everything else in his house with a memory, and who now faces getting indicted in late September or early October on charges that he broke the law by trying to apply for Absentee Ballots for 20 or more people.

How absolutely fucking stupid do you think Francis Suarez might actually be to have allowed this to happen to his campaign, and in the process made it possible for a computer with who knows how much information about his campaign get into the hands of State Attorney Katherine Fernandez-Rundle, a Regalado ally? 

Miami has always been known as a town full of hustlers and schemers looking for any angle to grease the wheels, starting with always coming up with the money required to pay off politicians.

I suspect that some of those same hustlers and schemers   who contributed to the $824,212.88 that Suarez’s Electioneering Communications Organization (ECO) has received to date, might be wondering if they can get a refund now that its becoming evident that even though it was apparent that he was as weak as dish water he would at least be smart enough to knock Regalado out of the box.

Francis Suarez might have been a real contender if he had actually paid attention and applied himself as a City Commissioner, but he coasted on his good looks and Daddy X’s name, and now he’s paying the price, because every day it’s becoming more apparent that he’s amazingly unprepared for prime time - even at the municipal level - and ducking a simple, straightforward question about going on a bike ride, even if it does turn out that he did in fact go, is as good an example of how mealy-mouthed and stupid Francis Suarez would behave if he were elected Mayor and had to answer uncomfortable questions.

The way things are going, come November, the only job that Francis Suarez might deserve to hold in the City of Miami is being a Chicken Chaser in Little Havana.

It’s Miami, Bitches!

For a guy who has posted dozens of photos of himself kissing and dancing with old ladies in nursing homes and being at all kinds of events, political and otherwise, the lack of a photograph of Suarez actually at the ride makes me believe that he didn’t show up, but rather had a couple of his campaign helpers out trying to get folks to wear one of his tee-shirts above.

I can appreciate if he decided not to show up, because he was probably still shell shocked over how he had been bush-whacked at the City Commission Meeting the day before where his pal Commissioner Sarnoff gave him a Master Lesson on political stagecraft and how a candidate for Mayor should both have, and stand up for an issue he believes in.  That alone would have been enough to put him in a funk.

But it was worse because Suarez did himself no favors during the subsequent property tax millage debate - a debate that Sarnoff had used as the backdrop for his masterfully staged presentation for increasing the funding for the police department.

Suarez by comparison managed to look weak and vacillating as he tried to talk out of both sides of his mouth when he told Sarnoff, “I agree with you 99 percent, but....” in attempting to argue against Sarnoff’s motion to increase the millage rate by $25.00 a year on a $100,000 house to cover the costs of adding additional police officers.

The police department is loosing officers faster than they can be replaced because under the Regalado administration the department is rapidly becoming one of the worst managed in the entire country.

Suarez compounded this mealy-mouthed performance by voting with Sarnoff against a reduction in the millage, thereby confusing almost everyone as to just what it was that he was actually in support of: More cops, or less taxes.

In politics sometimes you have to stake out a stark position on an issue and let the nuances over specific policy points go by the wayside, but in this case Suarez ended up with the worst of both worlds.

This became evident when shortly after the vote the Mayor bitch-slapped him by sending out a press release proclaiming that, “For the third year in a row, the City’s Millage Rate is reduced,” and made sure to list the three Commissioners who voted for the reduction: Wilfredo Gort, Frank Carollo and Michelle Spence-Jones.

This provided Suarez with another Master Lesson, this one  by Regalado in how to frame a signature campaign issue in your favor.

Reducing property taxes is the one of a few real issues that Regalado believes he has to drive home to the people in Little Havana, Flagami and Allapattah in order to get reelected, and he accomplished that goal with this press release, that also served to portray Suarez as being Pro-Tax.


For all of his bluster and proclamations about being the candidate of and for the future, Suarez’s campaign is actually becoming an example of what can happen when a political amateur blessed with a politically recognized name and with a lot of money collected from developers, lawyers and political wheeler-dealers looking to put a marker down for future favors gets into campaign for a public office above his abilities because his his father talked him into it.

Daddy X, as former Miami Mayor and now County Commissioner Xavier Suarez was tagged by fellow blogger Elaine De Valle, is according to Baby X the one who talked him into running against Tomas Regalado this time around.

In purely political terms, running against Regalado, who over the last 3 years managed to demonstrate that he’s among the worst Mayor’s that the City’s ever had, does make sense if you were a seasoned, tough-minded candidate with the skills to take the fight to him.

Unfortunately, it takes more than a little name recognition and looking like another pretty Cuban political boy toy to pull off a campaign against a guy like Regalado whose been doing this for 20 years, and who love him or hate him, has built up a history and bond with his core constituency.

Baby X unfortunately spent his first three years as a City Commissioner with one thumb stuck up his ass while sucking on the other one, and as a result, his campaign website features vapid, pablum rhetoric that reads like it could just  as easily been written by an eighth grader running for Class President:


Copy the link below, and it will be a permanent link to this page that you can post on Facebook, or anywhere else.