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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

APRIL 2, 2012

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I was in the process of filing in the blanks in my standard Request For A Writ Of Mandamus against Art Noriega on Friday morning when I got the following email from the Miami Parking Authority (MPA).

This prompted me to write back to Mr. Tapanes.

What the hell is going on at the Miami Parking Authority? 


Noriega sent me a list in January identifying 44 City-Wide Parking decals.  Now, Rolando Tapanes admits that they gave away so many City-Wide decals that they had to start making up their own, using other parking decals.


How many free City-Wide Parking decals are really floating around the city?


The thing to remember is that the Miami Parking Authority is supposed to be making money for the city.  Besides giving away all of the free decals, they did away with dozens of prime parking meter spots around the AAA Arena to placate the Miami Heat the DDA, and most especially Commissioner “Ethics” Sarnoff’s efforts to try and chase away the homeless people from the area.


And to top it off, even His Ignorance had real concerns with Noriega’s management of the MPA, as evidenced by this story in Miami New Times.


Regalado went so far as to claim that even if the city lost the referendum to take over the MPA - which it did - he was still going to push for State Attorney Fernandez-Rundle to investigate Noriega’s management of the Authority.


Unfortunately, when it comes to investigating any of these scumbags, Fernandez-Rundle is an equal opportunity enabler, so nothing ever came of the supposed “investigation.”


But all of these examples, and other stories that I’m now investigating point to the fact that something fishy is going on inside the Miami Parking Authority, and giving away free City-Wide Parking Decals is the least of the bullshit that’s going on.

A couple hours later, I received this response.

Along with this list.

If Mr. Tapanes is to be believed, the MPA issued one set of City-Wide Decals to 44 people, including the usual suspects hanging out at Miami City Hall, and another set of City-Wide Decals to 51 Consuls - although they don’t want to call them City-Wide Decals - and now he claims there are no other lists of City-Wide decals laying around the offices of the MPA.


The first time I went round and round with Art Noriega about these decals  - back when I sued him in January of 2011 - he told me then that the list he had provided me was the complete list, and then I had to sue him to get him to admit that it wasn’t.


So if I’m not reassured that this time there are no more names, or lists laying around the MPA, you can understand why.


But, putting that issue to the side, I have color coded the list above for a reason. The countries listed in Blue don’t have Consul offices in the City of Miami.  Most have offices in Coral Gables, a couple others are scattered around Miami-Dade County, a couple are in Broward County and Malta is all the way up in Delray Beach.


The ones in Red don’t have an office that is listed as being open anywhere, and the ones in Yellow are actually Twofers.  Monaco isn’t really a country, and therefore doesn’t have Diplomatic status.  France handles Monaco.  Senegal and Togo are handled by the same “Honorary Consul,” who also has his office in Coral Gables.


The Secretary of the Consul Corps, as far as I can determine from a 2009 document generated by the Florida Governor’s office is the Columbian Consul in Coral Gables.


So 28 of the 51 Consuls that the MPA decided to give City-Wide decals to either don’t have offices within the city limits of Miami, or don’t exist.


WHY DO THESE PEOPLE NEED FREE PARKING DECALS?


Now, it could be argued that the decals represent a gesture of friendliness on behalf of the City of Miami, and that the actual impact of lost parking revenue of these Decals is minimal, given that at least half of these folks don’t even have offices in Miami.


However one thing to remember, as is documented every couple years by the news media in New York, is that folks who have Diplomatic Tags on their cars don’t pay parking tickets, and in New York, that amounts to hundred of thousands of dollars of unpaid parking tickets generated around the United Nation’s building every couple years. 


Furthermore, since a large number of the consuls have their offices in Coral Gables why doesn’t Coral Gables give them free parking?  After all they are the one’s who benefit most from the money paid for rent, exponses, meals, etc.


Additionally, are these decals even being used on cars with Diplomatic Tags?  Or, is this another deal where the bulk of the tags is on cars used by wives, children and who knows who else?


The whole reason that I got into this story last year was that I discovered one of these free City-Wide Decals was on the windshield of none other than “Cousin Neil” Bayer, Commissioner “Ethics” Sarnoff’s cousin and law partner.


Moreover, the issue of dispensing these free parking decals underscores a far larger issue of how Art Noriega and the Miami Parking Authority arbitarily determine who gets treated with kid gloves and who gets screwed over when it comes to making parking policy and dispensing favors by the MPA.


THE MARLIN’S STADIUM PARKING BROUHAHA


I started calling Art Noriega a fucking weasel after his egregiously insulting comment that the poor, old, and largely defensless folks who live around the new Miami Marlin’s stadium should consider their being forced to park blocks away from their homes and apartments during the 100 plus nights of baseball games and other stadium events as a “sacrifice” that they needed to make for the benefit of the fans who needed those parking spaces.


In the wake of all the negative publicity that was generated by those comments, Noriega came back with a proposal to create 2 parking lots for those folks to use. The gesture was seen as an acceptable solution to the problem.


But, this is Miami, and what is often offered out of one side of the mouth, is quickly taken away out of the other side of the mouth.


Last Friday, The Miami Herald published a story of how the deal had fallen apart because no one would commit the necessary  $40,000 to get these lots usable.


The story detailed how neither Art Noriega or District 3 City Commissioner Frank Carollo, would reveal how they had expected to generate the funds to rehab these lots, the impression was that they shared the notion that the thugs who own the Miami Marlin’s would donate the money.  Given their behavior to date, that’s as stupid as anyone beliving that when I refer to Commissioner Sarnoff as “Ethics” its because I believe him to be a person of high moral character.


So after all the bullshit and shuck and jive, the folks around the stadium are still expected to bend over and allow themselves to be screwed, and like I predicted in my last story, some are already announcing that their only solution is to move away, which in truth is at the core of why and how this problem has come to pass.


The faster these folks can be steamrolled into moving away, the faster the developers will move in and do what they’ve had plans to do for a while now.


HERE’S HOW TO RAISE THE $40,000 NEEDED FOR THE PARKING LOTS


For a long time the Miami Parking Authority has served as a poster child for sleazy behavior and/or screwing the pooch through questionable expenditures.


Back in the mid-2000’s, the then Chairman of the MPA, Oscar Rivero, went to prison for his part in scamming $1.6 million from an affordable housing project. 


Then there was the MPA deal with the Cornerstone Group and their rehabbing and converting of the Olympia Building into a Section 8 HUD project that has yet to be resolved, even though the City of Miami supposedly prevailed in it’s lawsuit, and that the board of directors of the Gusman Theater, which is tied to this boondoggle  has none other than Art Noriega on its board.


Through it all, the one thing that Noriega has garnered a well earned reputation for, is living high off the hog on the public’s dollar. 


As part of the battle between His Ignorance, Tomas Regalado, and the MPA over Regalado’s efforts to get the citizens of Miami to approve a referendum in 2010 that would have done away with the MPA, and turned over their bank account to the city, Regalado had his folks dig up all the dirt that they could on Art Noriega and the MPA.


A fair amount of it ended up in a Miami New Times story entitled, “MPA head Art Noriega “living la vida loca,” Regalado says.”


Regalado went so far as to claim that even if the city lost the Referendum to take over the MPA - which it did - he was still going to push for State Attorney Fernandez-Rundle to investigate Noriega’s management of the Authority and his high-living ways.


Of course Regalado ended up having to use whastever juice he had with Fernandez-Rundle to kep his, and his daughter’s ass out of jail, so that turned out to be another useless promise made by His Ignorance.


But, even after the revelations in New Times, Noriega was back to the same old same old game last year, paying a total of $6206.00 of MPA money for Miami Heat tickets for the 2011 Season.


There’s no doubt that he’s spent a chunk of MPA money buying Heat tickets this year, and probably Marlin’s tickets as well: although given the reach-around that he’s given the Marlin’s and developers with his parking policy, I suspect that he’s probably got a free pass to the owner’s suite anytime he needs to entertain his pals.


So here’s my solution for solving the parking problems related to the folks living around the stadium.


If the MPA can give away free parking decals to politicians and consuls, and whoever else has gotten one of the free City-Wide decals, then there needs to be some parity.


The Miami Parking Authority Board of Directors needs to convene an emergency meeting of the board and figure out how much parking meter money Art Noriega has spent on seats to sporitng events and “entertainment” for the last 2 years, along with calculating the value of ALL the free City-Wide parking decals he’s given away - including the ones that the MPA Board members get - and then the board should agree to donate an equal amount of money to fix up the 2 parking lots in question.


If more money is needed, then Commissioner Frank Carollo needs to step up to the plate and demand that whatever amount is needed come from the revenue that the City will be getting from the Marlins for leasing them the City’s Parking Garage at $10 a spot.


It’s a way to create a stream of dedicated funding for the benefit of his constitutents because he needs to get over this financial conservative bullshit and realize that these are his constitutents that are being fucked over.


Given the hundreds of thousands of dollars that he and his fellow Commissioners approve on an almost monthly basis for sweetheart contracts and all the other bullshit that Regalado has City Manager Johnny “The Doormat” Martinez, run by them, including the new trick of hiring people through employment agencies as a way to evade the hiring freeze, the Regalado administration is pissing away a lot more money than the measly amount needed to minimize someone getting robbed or having their car stolen, of just the aggrevation of having all those neighborhood folks fucked over for the benefit of people from Broard County coming to watch a baseball game.


But the first money needs to come from the MPA.  If they can handmake a free, City-Wide Decals for some guy from Hondoras to slap on his Rolls Royce, then they can do a similar good deed for some poor folk who actually live, work and have to suffer the indiginities of living in a butt-fuck Banana Republic like Miami that would do this to its citizens to begin with!


It’s Miami, Bitches!

THE FAKE PARKING DECAL
PROVIDES A WINDOW INTO HOW THE MPA SCREWS THE POOCH THROUGH FREEBIES, AND OFFERS A SOLUTION TO THE STADIUM PARKING PROBLEMS