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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

MARCH __, 2014

WANT TO GET OUT OF WORK EARLY? SET A SUBMARINE ON FIRE

Last week, the nuclear submarine USS MIAMI SSN 755, who proudly served our country for 24 years, was decommissioned early after the Navy decided that trying to repair the damage caused by a shipyard worker who set it on fire causing $700 million in damages wasn’t worth the cost of repairs.


The shipyard worker, a guy named Casey James Fury, who wanted to leave work early, did what only a moron would do, he set a fire in the forward section of the sub, and 12 hours, and 100 firefighters later, the sub was toast.  Fury is now serving 17 years in federal prison.


Do you think that maybe the name Miami is jinxed?  I mean really?  Are you really surprised that the sub was named the USS Miami, and not the USS Anywhere Else In America?


One good thing is that when it comes to City of Miami employees, you don’t have to worry about any of them setting a city building on fire to get out of work early. No sir, on any Friday dozens of them walk out to door to go to lunch and never come back.


It’s Miami, Bitches!

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