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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

MARCH 26, 2014

At some point during a game of 3 Card Monte, if you are paying attention you can almost always figure out where the money card is.


And so it is with mega-development deals.  At some point the hustlers and developers have to show you what they really want, versus what they keep telling you they want.


David Beckman for the last 4-5 months has been telling everyone that he wants a soccer stadium.  That’s true, as far as it goes, but it doesn’t go very far when you look at the illustrations above and realize that what he and his business partners really want is to build a high-rise luxury hotel, a commercial building or two, a fancy marina for yachts, and retail space that would include “a pedestrian plaza likened to Rome's "Spanish Steps" that would be lined with dining and retail establishments, as well as a swanky year-round nightclub.”


That’s the real deal in this scheme, and where Beckam and his partners expect to make the real money.


The soccer stadium is like a loss leader trinket that retailers use lure you into their store.


Sports stadiums don’t make money, and soccer stadiums make the least.  Smaller attendance and smaller TV revenues is why Beckam is going to Tallahassee to beg for state taxpayer money to help subsidize the stadium portion of this real estate development deal as you read this.


The soccer stadium is just what Beckam and his partners are betting will serve as their flashy Trojan Horse to get them inside the pockets of the politicians so that they can secure a deal for the Port of Miami property from these nitwits and morons.


The examples of all the other soccer stadiums in the country indicate that this stadium will sit empty at best 275 - 300 days a year, if not more - because the MLS Soccer season is only 36 games long, and each team only plays half of those games in their “home” stadium.


While there no doubt will be concert bookings and other events in the stadium, has no one bothered to wonder what the AAA Arena folks might have to say about a 25,000 seat stadium opening up about 300 yards away from their building? A building that has become the preeminent venue for all the big name stadium concerts and events that come to Miami? How happy can the AAA folks be about the competition that this new “stadium” across the Port Bridge will pose for them, because Miami is not big enough to sustain 2 venues within 300 yards of each other relying on stadium concerts to help pay the bills.


And just when is the City of Miami Planning and Zoning Board, the Miami City Commission and the Miami-Dade County Commission going to realize just what a nightmare of a perfect storm they are creating with this unbridled and uncontrollable development that they have let loose in the downtown area? 


The approval by the Planning and Zoning Board last week to allow the World Center folks to shut down NE 7th Street from Miami Avenue to 2nd Avenue, and NE 8th and 9th Street from 1st to 2nd Avenue, in advance of their construction of a Convention Center, Hotel, and major shopping mall on all of those streets and the adjacent vacant lots in that area is going to cause major disruption in traffic patterns and abolish parking on all of those empty lots now used by Heat and concert fans.


Even allowing for the 1000 space parking lot that will be built in Overtown by All Aboard Florida and whatever parking the World Center people put up as part of their project, none of this will begin to address the loss of the current parking spaces and the increased demands on real parking requirements that all of new these projects will require, and that’s before considering the inability of the street system to accommodate all of this sudden flow of new traffic.


In addition to the soccer stadium, consider the 21st Century Dildo (aka Skyrise Miami), that Jeffery Berkowitz wants to build about 150 yards away from this soccer stadium across the bay on City of Miami waterfront property currently leased to Bayside Marketplace.


If Berkowitz’s succeeds in going forward, and if his inflated projections come even remotely close to being in the ballpark, that tower will result in couple thousand more people coming into the area, most often on weekends. Where will all of those folks park?  The additional 3 levels of parking on top of the current Bayside Marketplace are not going to meet that demand much less accommodate the needs of any of these other venues.


Then you got the Performing Art Center, and the eventual construction of a Casino of some kind on the Miami Herald property with the subsequent daily traffic of tour buses and cars bringing in slot machine players, not to mention the approximate 1000 cars a week that folks going out on cruise ships now park on the Overtown lots destined to be part of major new developments,  and then factor in the folks going to school at Miami-Dade College, and then for good measure, layer in the freight trains that will start  carrying containers out of the Port in a few months, as well as the traffic interruptions of the 26-32 All Aboard trains as they roll in and out of downtown starting in a couple years, and then include all of the folks in the condos along the Boulevard that have already been built, along with the ones being built, as well the the regular downtown traffic and realize that all of this is taking place in an area that is only 15-20 city blocks long, and 8-10 blocks wide.


So, on top of all of this, just where are the supposed 25,000 soccer fans from Hialeah, Kendall and elsewhere going to park before they traipse across the footbridge to watch the game?


If Beckam’s supposed parking plan is so good, then it would have been released at the Press Conference on Monday. Time and again these so called professional “studies” offered by developers have proven to be even less reliable than the “independent” drug studies performed by doctors on the payroll of drug companies.


The real truth is that it’s almost impossible now to traverse though downtown even during non-rush hour periods - and the rush hours are getting longer every year - and it’s definitely a major problem on the nights that the Heat plays, and worse when the Heat and the Performing Arts Center has a program.


Just what does anybody think it going to be like in 5 years time is all of these projects are allowed to be built without adequate parking or roads to accommodate all of these cars?


Miami was not designed or laid out in a way to accommodate all of this traffic and all of this congestion, and the willingness of the Miami City Commissioners to drop to their knees and start kissing the ass of every single hustler and/or developer that walks through the door - and everyone knows who the Chief Ass Kisser is literally and figuratively - while they do a reach around to take a payoff of some kind - and let there be no mistake, this fevered level of unfettered construction going on now, and the way in which the City of Miami is bending if not breaking or ignoring building and zoning codes to let this happen, could not be occurring without payoffs of one kind or another, and I don’t mean campaign contributions.


Perhaps the time has finally come to start going to the beach and offering sacrifices to the God of Hurricanes to bring on the most powerful and mighty hurricane possible to wash all this shit somewhere across to the other side of the Everglades!


This community needs to tell David Beckam and his pals to go somewhere else if they want to screw the locals. We’ve got all the fancy hotels, restaurants, nightclubs and marinas that we need.  We can survive without anymore of them and we also have enough venues to accommodate a soccer team without all of this craziness.


The folks in Miami have been screwed so many times by these sleazy, lying, double-dealing developers and politicians that in all fairness before another project of any kind is allowed to be built in downtown Miami all these developers should all be made to pony up and pay for Vagina Enhancement surgery for all the taxpayers who’ve they’ve screwed!


It’s Miami, Bitches!

A CRESPOGRAM RANT
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TELL DAVID BECKAM AND HIS PALS TO GO SCREW