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CRESPOGRAM REPORT

JANUARY 6, 2014

THE MANGO STRUT SUCKED
HOW DO YOU MAKE A CRACK SMOKING, WHORE MONGERING MAYOR FROM A FOREIGN COUNTRY LOOK LIKE A VICTIM?  MAKE HIM THE GRAND MARSHAL OF THE MANGO STRUT

If there is one thing that Miami-Dade County has always had an abundance of, it’s crooked, corrupt Mayors.  Recently, it’s gotten so bad that on the very same day that the Mango Strut was giving a fake Key to the City to a look-a-like of Rob Ford, the crack smoking, whore mongering Mayor of Toronto, Canada, the Miami Herald’s front page was featuring a front page story about local Mayors and assorted politicians gone bad.

With so many local targets of opportunity to make fun of or ridicule, starting with Manny Morono of Sweetwater, who could have had a whole parade crafted around his antics: from the illegal towing trucks and the cars that were essentially sold off after they were towed, to the magical police horse that showed up on a Sweetwater cop’s farm, to the Chief of Police who took cash payments, to the bribery scheme that revealed just what a criminal Morono was, to his Momma, wife, uncle, girlfriend(s) and lawyer all being on the public payroll, to just the notion of Sweetwater being a town created by a bunch of retired Russian Circus Midgets were the kind of fodder that begged to be parodied.


Yet, instead of going after Manny Morono, or any of the other home grown political crooks and scammers - not to mention a single reference to the biggest stories in Coconut Grove in years: the toxic city parks and the big fight over the Coconut grove waterfront - the Mango Strut organizers decided that getting laughs by making the Mayor of Toronto the Grand Marshal of this year’s parade was the way to go.


In the aftermath of the parade, with all of the comments that have been posted on Tom Falco’s Grapevine, and all of the conversations in and out of the Grove about the parade this year, no one has come up with a lucid explanation on why the decision was made to choose Toronto Mayor Rob Ford instead of one our our own local, crooked politicians as the Grand Marshall of the parade.


Given that the real Rob Ford was never going to show up, even if one of the local crooked politicians had been selected and announced that he wasn’t going to play along, the Mango Strut could have done what they did with Ford, which was find a look-a-like to go along with the gag.


In years gone by, when it was politically expedient to ridicule local politicians, the Strut organizers had absolutely no problem with making fun of former Miami City Commissioner Johnny Winton who had gotten into a bar fight at the airport, and had been removed from office by having some guy play the role of a drink and bloodied Winton.

Back then, everybody got a good laugh out of the fake Johnny Winton, bloodied and handcuffed, dragged down the street, especially Commissioner Sarnoff who had taken Winton’s seat on the City Commission.


Notice also the sign behind Winton stating that he was “For Sale.”


But that was then, and there’s been nothing like that since, especially when it’s come to doing parodies about folks like Commissioner Sarnoff, or for that matter any parody or reference having to do with corruption at Miami City Hall.  Perhaps that’s because Commissioner “Ethics” Sarnoff has started becoming a major “donor” to the event.


In 2011, I was essentially banned from the parade by
Antoinette Baldwin - she who likes to dress up as Marie Antoinette - because I wanted to do a parody of being the Code Enforcement Director of the City of It’s Miami, Bitches, who serves a Code Enforcement Violation on Commissioner Sarnoff  for operating an illegal law firm out of one of his houses in Coconut Grove - something that actually happened.


You can read my story, including the comments made by Baldwin and the photos that refuted her fanciful claims about how “Family Friendly” the Strut was, by clicking HERE.


So, instead of making a local sleazy, corrupt politician the Grand Marshal, or even parodying one of these sleaze-balls, the Mango Strut organizers decided to go with a foreigner, and just in case anyone didn’t get the “joke” they put this banner on the side of his car.

 

And to top it off and make sure that even the dumbest onlookers got the “joke,” they gave the fake Rob Ford 4 baggies with what were supposed to be rocks of Crack Cocaine. 


All of this mind you, was done with the exquisite taste that one would expect from a “Family Friendly” event.


To cap the whole thing off who do you think ended up playing the role of Rob Ford?


Why, none other than David Collins, former Executive Director of the Coconut Grove BID and Sarnoff toadie, who managed to get himself fired for his bad attitude and mistreatment of employees.

It was, I have to admit, a brilliant stroke of typecasting, as was the decision to let another Sarnoff toadie, Sue McConnell play the part of one of his Crack Whores. 


Like all Crack Whores, make believe or real, the effervescent Sue McConnell played her part to the hilt by making Rob Ford sit in the front seat, while she, holding on to the Fake Key to the City like it was a real gold key that she could cash in for a bag full of Crack Cocaine, rode in the back seat like the star of the show.

Of course, the other reason the effervescent Sue McConnell was around was because she was the keeper of the script, and therefore in charge of making sure that nothing untoward was said or done. You didn’t really think that the organizers of the Mango Strut would leave all of this madcap zaniness up to chance and improvisation do you?


The multipage script actually has the exact dialogue that everyone was supposed to say. How’s that for a bunch of control freaks putting on a comedy skit?


Here is good old Sue holding up the script to cover her face when she realized I was going to take a photo of her, just the way a real Crack Whore would behave when she’s busted and doesn’t want to be on the 11 PM news.

But of course, the two people who got the most enjoyment, and benefit out of having a fake Rob Ford become the butt of jokes, were none other than Miami own corrupt duo, Mayor Tomas Regalado and Commissioner “Ethics” Sarnoff.

Since the real Rob Ford has owned up to being a Crackhead and and hanging out with whores, the list of REAL and DOCUMENTED illegal, unprincipled and unethical actions by these two “public servants” makes Ford look like a choir boy in comparison.


For that reason, the real Rob Ford deserves an apology from the organizers of the Mango Strut for even implying that his doppelganger deserves to be in the same photograph with these two provenly corrupt Miami politicians.


It’s the real Miami, Bitches!

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